can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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