I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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