I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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