Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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