i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
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Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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