I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize