somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
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For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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