it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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