i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
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Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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