Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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