I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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