hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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