So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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