you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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