never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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