worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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