I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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