i just had sex bonerless
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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