We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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