Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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