Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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