Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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