I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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