I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize