There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize