Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize