im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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