oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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