Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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