The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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