he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
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Dignity is for republicans.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need water and some morals
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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