i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize