i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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