u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize