I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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