I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
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we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize