I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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