My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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