that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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