I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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