and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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