They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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