I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize