Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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