I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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