First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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