No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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