Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize