I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize