you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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